Why here

Precisely what I am thinking at this moment on a humid afternoon. Why am I so inclined to write what’s on my mind and publish and start a blog, when the baby is sleeping. Why can’t I just on the airconditioner and grab a few winks before (and I know this for sure) the baby wakes up fresh for a feed and play. Well, because I am done with sleeping when she does (No, i somehow cannot schedule my sleep clock that way) and more so, I am done with not doing any other major productive activity other than raising a child. Don’t get me wrong, raising the baby has been one of the most productive and satisfying things I could have ever imagined doing in my life. It’s something different and wonderful, and for anyone who has raised a child will know, no words can describe it accurately.

But, there are the times where you just need to do something else. There is only so much rest you can take, chores you can do. I work from home, but usually without any of the office distractions, the work gets done in half the time and being a self employed professional, I get most of the jobs done on weekends, when the husband is at home to look after the baby. All though each of these things add substantial value to my life, none of them can understand the experiences I am undergoing on a daily basis. Parents, in-laws and the husband are a great support, but no one can completely understand the rigmaroles of the daily life in its entirety. There is a need for an outlet, an outlet that lets you say things you may not want to say otherwise and an outlet that lets you feel heard outside your family.

When you are busy building a career and are on the road to success, you do not stop and think about what people perceive about you, you do not feel a need to be heard, because as you see it, your voice is important which gets heard by those who matter. But you sit at home with a kid and things begin to change.

The self confidence on your working abilities and skills that you prided your self on earlier become redundant to a large extent; the scenario changes, the person who made complex legal agreements now sits and makes up stories about a fat elephant and hyperactive monkey and a talking parakeet. When the person you spend most of your day with is a 4 month old baby who loves you, responds and coos in delight with whatever you say, you may think you need nothing more. But sometimes, you do, not too often, but sometimes, yes, you definitely do.

Nameless Mom