Rolling Stones!

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Bimbi rolled over by herself yesterday (6th May, 2013 – which also happens to be my parent’s wedding anniversary) YES!!

The first important developmental milestone achieved (atleast to an extent) and one of the most immobile phase in an infant’s life is over. Although I have been prodding and bribing her in quite unsuccessful ways to begin rolling over, this milestone and achievement came without me being around to witness it. Boo! Well, it so happens, that while we were all sitting for dinner at the dinner table, I had placed Bimbi on a play mat at the other end of the table, which is relatively more spacious and airy from the part of the dining area where I was seated. In short, she was on the floor on the opposite end of the table, and completely outside my view. While her father and grand father were within viewing distance, they were busy watching the IPL. I was busy eating and talking to her, despite the distance, when suddenly there was silence from her. I looked at the husband and asked him to see, and he was like, “Oh My God, she’s rolled over!!!” I almost jumped up from the table to look, and here she was in all her glory, lying on her stomach doing a mini push up and acting all cool and stuff. We locked eyes and I got a big grin, which before you could say roll over, became a huge cry. I coaxed her verbally to calm down as I did not want to stop her from this new thing that she was mastering. Suddenly, after about 2 minutes, she was again on her back! “Oh My God, she’s rolled back again!!!” was the husband’s response.

I was delighted and frustrated together. Here I was spending all days with her trying to get her to roll over and my darling had chosen the exact time when she was away from my eyes to do it. Wonderful, just wonderful! By the time I gobbled up my lunch in a hurry (a norm in the house these days) she was still on her back acting all cool and brazen about her achievement. When I went to pick her up, she gave me a BIG grin followed by the loudest cries for the day, because she realised all this coolness had made her hungry before time. I picked her up to feed her and put her to bed. And she slept – after 2 weeks of giving us the terrorizing sleep deprivation where in the husband and I had virtually turned into  zombies for all purposes, she slept like an angel from 9:30 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. straight with 2 wakings for feeding only. Hopefully, that is the end of the maddening thing called the “4 month sleep regression”. This was simply a crazy time when my daughter wanted to be up and about ALL THE BLOODY TIME. If you thought you have handled growth spurts and can manage this – you are WRONG. No you cannot. Well, atleast not in my case.

But after putting her to bed, I was delirious. I need to baby proof the home… my little one is growing up… I can sleep well now, but I have trouble falling asleep. Oh My God, just Oh My God !!! So I did the one thing every sane mom would do in such a situation, played a couple of games on my tab and did absolutely nothing enjoying the peace, before dozing off!

Well, at least she has achieved something and I am beginning to see a sparkle, if not a light at the end of this sleepless tunnel. Now, for the next big milestone. Phew!

ETA: You may like this link which pretty much explains all that was going on with Bimbi recently


Meaning of Life


A recent whatsapp conversation with a friend on the purpose of life got me thinking. My friend is a 27 year old single successful guy at a great stage in life, and like me, has a philosophical bent towards most things in life. During the course of our discussion, i realised that unlike earlier, it had been quite some time that i had thought about understanding or knowing the purpose of life. It used to be a fascinating topic for me and a select group of friends, in our early 20’s to discuss. To assume the if’s and but’s and the chances of it being one thing over another.

But we grew up, for the most part. Got busy with our careers, marriage, relationships, children, et all. Life took us to destinations we never knew were awaiting us. We met people who redefined our perception towards life. We tasted success and failure in unimaginable ways. We grew up. But did we understand the meaning of life?

It is a yes and a no. A yes, because we understood that one part of the meaning of the life is really in the living. We got so caught up with living and doing things to make our life more wholesome and productive that the thinking part got sidelined. And no, because, as i see it, the meaning of life changes – every moment, one from the next. What was the purpose of life and living 7 years back, when i was 20, was definitely different from my current purpose of life. And this change is not just because now I am of a certain age and stature, but more so because now I have had experiences I did not when I was 20. So many things take place on a daily level that not only do our thought processes undergo a daily change, but even our mannerisms, attitude towards life and our purpose in life changes – day by day, a little at a time.

We grow up, life happens – people waltz in and out of your life in equal measures. Some of us find a good partner, some of us end up searching all along for the ideal someone. We face office politics and failures – sometimes a little every day, day by day. Moral and ethical dilemmas face our lives at every point. Some days, being able to breathe at the end of it all is a big success. And yet we prod, we try, we hope against hope. We don’t give up. We persevere to attain, within those redefined scenarios, to achieve our goals. We realise how some are very impractical, some highly improbable and some downright silly. So we re-align. We sit with our heads between our hands and try to make sense of what direction this life is to take us. Sometimes, we let life take us with the flow and simply trod along, and sometimes we make new charts, new ambitions, new ideals and goals and start afresh with whatever is in front of us. Meaning of life, purpose in life changes every single day, a little at a time, we do not even realise it.

Or, maybe the only purpose in life is to accept this change, to accept the transition, to live with an open unexpecting heart that will readily delve into fresh hopes and goals, as and when the situation arises. To embrace what life throws at you and then tweak it to sustain yourself and your sense of identity. Maybe the whole point of life is the pointlessness of it all at the end of the day. Maybe purposes in life are only meant for revenge stories in the movies!

 Nameless Mom

Why here

Precisely what I am thinking at this moment on a humid afternoon. Why am I so inclined to write what’s on my mind and publish and start a blog, when the baby is sleeping. Why can’t I just on the airconditioner and grab a few winks before (and I know this for sure) the baby wakes up fresh for a feed and play. Well, because I am done with sleeping when she does (No, i somehow cannot schedule my sleep clock that way) and more so, I am done with not doing any other major productive activity other than raising a child. Don’t get me wrong, raising the baby has been one of the most productive and satisfying things I could have ever imagined doing in my life. It’s something different and wonderful, and for anyone who has raised a child will know, no words can describe it accurately.

But, there are the times where you just need to do something else. There is only so much rest you can take, chores you can do. I work from home, but usually without any of the office distractions, the work gets done in half the time and being a self employed professional, I get most of the jobs done on weekends, when the husband is at home to look after the baby. All though each of these things add substantial value to my life, none of them can understand the experiences I am undergoing on a daily basis. Parents, in-laws and the husband are a great support, but no one can completely understand the rigmaroles of the daily life in its entirety. There is a need for an outlet, an outlet that lets you say things you may not want to say otherwise and an outlet that lets you feel heard outside your family.

When you are busy building a career and are on the road to success, you do not stop and think about what people perceive about you, you do not feel a need to be heard, because as you see it, your voice is important which gets heard by those who matter. But you sit at home with a kid and things begin to change.

The self confidence on your working abilities and skills that you prided your self on earlier become redundant to a large extent; the scenario changes, the person who made complex legal agreements now sits and makes up stories about a fat elephant and hyperactive monkey and a talking parakeet. When the person you spend most of your day with is a 4 month old baby who loves you, responds and coos in delight with whatever you say, you may think you need nothing more. But sometimes, you do, not too often, but sometimes, yes, you definitely do.

Nameless Mom